How do I fix me?

Why do I always seem to hurt those I love? Is something wrong with me? It the past I have always thought it was the other person. It was because of their faults or their personality traits that things always turned sour in our relationship.
Always them.
Never me.
Recent events have forced me to rethink things in my life. Past experiences have been running through my mind. Memories. Memories of how things were, how relationships ended, and who was at fault flooding my brain.
Was it really his fault? What if I had been there more often?
Maybe if we had spent more time together things would have been different.
Not that I wish things had ended differently. My life would have turned out different though.
I am happy with where my life is, with where it's going.
But now I am re-examining everything. Not because I want to change anything but because I want everything to work out from now on. I have to know whose fault it was before.
Was it really me, not him but me, who messed up?
How can I hope for things to be better now if I can't understand what happened before?
I am the only common thing in my past relationships.
How do I fix me?


Yes I know this post makes absolutely no sense. Its just something I need to work out in my head.

A letter to someone..........

Dear Mr. Hall,
I have finally found the perfect song for us. I spent the entire time we were together searching for our song. I never found one that expressed how you make me feel.....
Until now.....
You want to hear it?
Go to Google and type in these lyrics.....

You make me come....
You make me complete....
You make me completely miserable.

Or actually since I know you probably still wouldn't understand this should help.....

When time stood still......

if only for a moment time stood perfectly still.

So I was looking for an old photo of me when I happened across this one....
It was taken by someone who was once very special to me.

This photo was taken at the same time that I took a pic of that special someone. We promised to keep them forever. To take them out once a year, look at them together, and ask ourselves just one question. Do we still feel the way we did when this was taken? It was a wondrous occasion when we first lived out this ritual however I have not looked at this photo more than once in all this time. That special someone is no longer mine. This photo has been locked away on a memory card along with countless other photos of times forgotten. Today I took a trip down memory lane and realized I miss this type of thing. The special relationship I once had, the way it felt to be near him, the things we did, the times we shared, the passion. I miss it all and I miss him. I once thought I must have never loved this person. How could I ever love someone who would cause me such pain? I did though. With all of my heart. Now I find myself forever searching for the feelings from that moment. That special moment when time stood still...